


Losing You

by TazersKaner (msrogersstark)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Death, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/TazersKaner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The worn leather feels foreign in Patrick’s hand. It reminds him of Jonny’s hand in his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a test prep story. If there are any names in there that aren't correct, it's because I ended up changing them, when I turned the story in. So please forgive me for those errors and happy feels.   
> \--  
> Un-beta'd

Losing You

The worn leather feels foreign in Patrick’s hand. It reminds him of Jonny’s hand in his. A wave of nostalgia flows over him and he forces himself to open the book. On the front cover, there is a poem, written in Jonny’s slanted cursive.

_When other lips and other hearts_

_Their tale of love shall tell,_

_In language whose excess imparts,_

_The power they feel so well:_

_There may, perhaps, in such a scene,_

_Some recollection be_

_Of days that have as happy been,_

_And you’ll remember me._

Patrick bites his lip. Jonny made this book for their wedding, long before he had ever been diagnosed, before Patrick’s life was turned upside-down.

He turns to the first page, biting his lip, trying not to cry. The first few pages have baby pictures of the both of them, which he skips over. He wants to get to the part where he first met Jonny. His fingers find the page, knowing it by heart now. On it, is two separate pictures. One was taken on the day Jonny played against Patrick, not knowing anything about him besides a last name, when they were 13. The second one is a picture of Patrick; dressed in his team uniform, taken just after the game he’d played Jonny for the first time. Patrick had known that he was playing against Jonny. He was like a fire on the ice, everywhere and all consuming. What Patrick didn’t know was that he was that and so much more off the ice.

Patrick’s fingers flip to the next photo. It was taken about 5 years after the separate ones on the previous page. Patrick and Jonny, both wearing the Hawks logo proudly on their chest, numbers 19 and 88 stitched proudly onto their sleeves. It was the first picture they ever took together. He remembers how nervous he was that day, the first of the tedious training camp week. He remembers Jonny’s calm, clear brown eyes and his steadiness. Patrick stuck close to him for the first few days.

The next image was from behind. Patrick and Jonny were standing side-by-side, backs to the camera. It was their first real NHL game. Patrick’s mother had insisted she needed a picture. Patrick stood on the left side of the photo, the word Kane, in bold white letters across his back. Jonny was on his right, Toews written the same. Kane and Toews. That’s how it always was. When they won, Kane and Toews and when they lost, Kane and Toews.

His fingers slipped and it took him a few seconds before he managed to turn the page. Jonny was holding a large, oddly shaped trophy. Patrick remembered this very well.

They’d won the Stanley Cup, the honor of all honors and Jonny had been named MVP. As he carried the trophy towards Patrick, he said words that Patrick will always remember.

“You should have won this.”

It was only 5 words but to Patrick, it was why he lived everyday. Jonny always saw the best in Patrick. He always believed in Patrick and he always supported him. Patrick knew Jonny deserved the trophy, he knew Jonny deserved more than the world could ever give him. But here Jonny was, wanting to praise Patrick and tell him how much he deserved it.

Feeling the tears burning behind his eyes, Patrick quickly turned the page to the next photo. Jonny was standing next to Tigger at Disney Land. It was the trip they’d gone on the summer after they’d won the cup. Patrick had convinced Jonny to get his picture taken with every character he saw. In the picture, Jonny was frowning at Patrick, while Tigger bounced around him. It wasn’t the picture Patrick was supposed to take, but his finger had slipped while he’d been laughing and he’d caught this memory.

Patrick lay down on the bed that he used to share with Jonny and flipped to the next page. The picture was of Jonny and himself, dressed in matching black suits. Patrick was holding a bouquet of flowers and he remembers arguing with Jonny about why he had to hold them. It was their wedding day. They’d had so many conversations about whether to hold one in Jonny’s hometown, Regina or in Patrick’s, Buffalo. Instead, they decided on the place where they’d spent most of their lives together and chose Chicago.

It hadn’t been a huge get together but their families were there and their teammates. Patrick couldn’t remember the specifics of the night. Whenever he tried, all he remembered was a blur of people but mostly Jonny.

Patrick closed the book, allowing the tears to fall now. Most days, he could pretend that Johnny was coming back and everything would be ok. Somewhere, buried under all of his memories he knew that he wouldn’t ever been seeing Jonny again, at least in person. The only thing of Jonny that Patrick still had was the photos. He curled up, clutching the photo album close to his chest and closed his eyes, imagining Jonny here, beside him, forever and ever. It wasn’t the real thing but it would have to do.


End file.
